An Obituary for CAROLE JEAN TILLIS
March 24, 1942 – October 28, 2023
October 28th was stunningly beautiful. Warm. Sunny. Red and orange leaves scattered the ground at Sandy Pond. Unusual for late October in New England, yet as picture perfect as they come.
This was the day Carole chose to be her last. She always loved the fall at Sandy Pond and how the leaves reflected on the water. “Tip me over” she would say, in reference to her last day. It was to be on a canoe in the middle of the lake on a stunningly beautiful fall day.
And this is how we all will remember her. Her wife Carolyn. Her daughters Kim and Lesley. Her much beloved granddaughter Morgan and grandsons Parker and Zachary, and great granddaughter Ari. And my brother Keith, his wife Mino and her grandson Fuji. And me. To call Carole my stepmom would be underselling the position. After nearly 30 years of being ‘stepmom’ the definition changes. She was a parent. She was a friend. She was someone so close that words cannot define our relationship.
Our memory of Carole extends well beyond that day in late October. Smiling. Sunny. Warm. It’s a beautiful day on Sandy Pond and she is smiling up at the sun as if it would last forever.
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Maya Angelou said that once. But I don’t think any of us fully understood the meaning until we met Carole. That was her “superpower”. She loved loved people. She loved their stories. She loved seeking out their inner truths and had this amazing ability to truly know them.
People flocked to her. They were drawn to her in inexplicable ways. I was. My mom was. My friends were. She had this remarkable ability to connect. To care. To see people for who they truly are and love them wholeheartedly in spite (or perhaps because of?) our flaws. I know she saw me.
Many know all of the boring details – grew up in Florida. Became a nurse. Then earned the greatest title of all – Mother to both Kim and Lesley.
After enough time in Florida she moved the family to Massachusetts to work at the Mass General. Then she wanted more, and moved to Auburn Alabama (I KNOW, Alabama?? It’s ok, this was the early 1990s) to pursue a doctorate in clinical psychology.
This one small decision changed her life, and mine, forever. And for the better. While in this crimson red state (#WarEagle) of Alabama Carole met Carolyn (cute, huh?).
I’ll spare you the logistical details, but as we all know by now Carole and Carolyn ultimately left warm sunny (and horribly humid) Alabama for the 4-season splendor of New England. After a brief spell in Medford, they found lovely house on a lovely lake in Ayer where they were a pioneer in gay marriage.
And this is how most of you know her. And them. “The Moms” as my friends and I have referred to them for the past 20 years. On that beautiful lake in Ayer.
We remember nights on the pond where Carole would pull out her guitar. Many of you will remember her as the founder of the Artemis Singers (dragging Carolyn kicking and screaming) and had the joy of sharing song and laughter with them both over these last 15+ years.
And that wasn’t just limited to me and my mom. She has friends all up and down the east coast and annual reunions with friends from all eras of her life. Usually somewhere warm.
There is so much more that could be said about Carole. So please, join us in doing so.
Apparently she hiked the Appalachian trail?
How did she misinterpret LOL??
What’s up with that famous poker face?
And I’ll tell you how I’m related to her through garlic.
I can’t wait to see you all. All of the logistics are below, but please reach out to me, Carolyn or Lara with any questions on the celebration of the wonderful, beautiful life of Carole.
💕Amanda
Carole’s Stepdaughter. Or whatever.
Date/Time: Nov 11, 10am
Location: First Church Unitarian – 19 Foster Street, Littleton, MA, 01460.
Zoom: Reach out to Rev. Lara for link
Reception: following the service downstairs
In lieu of flowers, please consider a donation in memory of Carole to the Human Rights Campaign or to Planned Parenthood.
If you’re able, please wear purple or something flamingo-related to the service rather than black.
if you have a photo of Carole that you like (whether of Carole alone or with you or others), please bring it downstairs to the reception after the service; there will be twine and clothespins for you to hang your photos.
If you would like to attend Carole's Celebration of Life remotely, the links for the livestream are the same as for FCU's Sunday services.
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/FirstChurchUnitarianLittleton/live
There will be time for open sharing during the Celebration of Life. If you are comfortable using Zoom and know how to unmute your microphone we invite you to join via Zoom: https://zoom.us/j/94050745466
